Thembile’s story: how parenting support can #ENDviolence

“I used to be a very angry and violent person”. But after joining a parenting support programme, Thembile, a father of two boys aged 14 and 11, says, “I’m now able to think before I act”. Parenting support reduces violence at home and in our communities. It is a crucial tool to #ENDviolence and Thembile’s story illustrates the transformative power of parenting support programmes in caregivers’ lives.

Thembile: My name is Thembile. I am the father of two boys, Junior and Aza. Junior is 14 years old and Aza is 11 years old. Their mother left them with me to raise on my own, after I got ill with TB.

I used to be a very angry and violent person. I was very abusive, I would hit women and hit my children. When one of my boys wouldn’t want to listen I would take off my belt and spank them. Before joining The Parent Centre, you would not have loved the person I used to be.

Jamie-Lee Adams, COAST Principal Social, Worker & SAPPIN Member: When we talk about parenting support is for parents who fail miserably. Who doesn’t know how to raise children and who’s making all the mistakes. Parenting support is for all parents, especially in a community and society that we live in today where parents and children face so many challenges.

Whether it is electronic or counselling or material support that parents need or just getting advice as to how to support your child.

Thembile: … But now I am starting to have challenges with Junior, I need to be honest with you. He’s 14 now, he’s starting to date girls and all that.

Jamie-Lee Adams: SAPPIN (The South African Parenting Programme Implementers Network) has been great in advocating for the reduction in family violence and the 16 Days of Activism is the perfect tool in raising awareness and give out one message in saying, that violence in families needs to be reduced. And evidence has also shown that if violence in families are reduced, violence in communities are reduced.

Thembile: Ever since I started attending the sessions at The Parent Centre I’ve changed a lot - the way I think and the way I speak. Now I’m able to think before I act. It’s not always necessary to use force.

There's something that you are given the day you are born - it’s called your mouth. There are people who first use their fists to solve the problem and then want to talk afterwards. The Parent Centre has taught me to use my words to fix things.